10 Ways to Make Sure You Remain in Poverty

I admit that I received substantial inspiration from Ben Stein's book, How to Ruin Your Financial Life. So, any imitation on my part is purely because of my admiration for the book. I think that I liked it most because of its tongue-in-cheek tone. Here goes:

1. Make sure you pay your credit card bill every month - Make sure, though, that you pay no more than the minimum payment. If you pay too much on your credit card bill, you might have to forego that HDTV you've been eyeing at Circuit City.
2. Get an adjustable-rate mortgage - You, too, can take advantage of today's low rates. Don't worry about getting burned by rising interest rates, because interest rates are pretty stable on the whole.
3. Make plans for how you're going to spend your Christmas bonus - Hey, it's probably okay to go ahead and spend it right now, too. After all, your bonus is a sure thing, and credit card interest doesn't amount to much.
4. Rent, don't own - It's a good idea to rent because the landlord takes care of all the repairs, and it's expensive to maintain your own home. Besides, it's cheaper than a mortgage. Hey, and while you're renting your apartment, go ahead and rent-to-own a couch or even (gasp!) a new HDTV. If you hurry, you could even get it in time for the big game on Monday.
5. Don't use a budget - You can't be spontaneous if you have to plan how you're going to plan how you spend your money. Besides, I don't have the time required for budgeting. Hey, you've only bounced a few checks so far this year, and it's almost the end of January.
6. Count on getting a big tax refund - Hey, it's like a bonus from the government. Getting a $2,500 refund? You should use it for a vacation to Hawaii…or better yet, put the vacation on your credit cards, and live it up while you're there. Oh, and don't bother adjusting your tax withholdings. It's too big a hassle, and you'd probably just spend the extra money each month.
7. Start saving for retirement…"next year" - Come on, you're only 35 years old. Retirement is for old people, and you've got plenty of time left. Besides, if you wanted to save enough to retire, you'd have to set aside $10,000 a year, and you just don't have that right now. Well, okay, you don't have enough money to set aside $10,000 a year and make payments on your new boat.
8. Don't sweat the details - You've got a good understanding of the "big picture". Let's see, you've got about $150 in your checking account, give or take $20 or $30 bucks. And you've got maybe $90 or so in outstanding checks…or was it $110? Whatever, it'll take care of itself.
9. Don't read your credit card statements - What a hassle! Remember how you're not sweating the details? Well, this is one detail you definitely should worry about. What are the odds that there'll be an unauthorized charge on your statement? Probably so remote as to be nonexistent. You've got better things to do with your time, anyway.
10. Get another credit card - I know you're maxed out on your six credit cards, but I really think that if you had another credit card, you'd probably use it more wisely. Just think about it: it's like having a fresh start with your finances. Let's see what credit cards you can apply for…ooh, here's one that has a 0% APR introductory rate. Hmmm, looks like it goes up to 24% after the first 6 months, but you're not going to carry a balance anyway, so that's not a problem.

There you have it: a tried and proven way to make sure you stay in poverty for years to come. Heck, if you're really diligent at following the above suggestions, you might even stay in poverty for life.